my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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