We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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