is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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