I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
