Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
