i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
