I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's blow job season.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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