capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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