how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
