half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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