I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
