Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
