I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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