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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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