Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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