I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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