Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
