Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
