her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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