I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
