4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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