she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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