dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
