I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
