I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
