The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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