two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
