so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
