Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
