I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
