Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
