It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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