There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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