some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
