Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
