it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize