I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
