Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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