i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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