Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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