i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
