So drunk its hurt
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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