Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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