if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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