And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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