Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
