Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
