I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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