you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will pee on everything he values.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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