Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
