Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
