she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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