i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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