I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am spending my child support on dildos
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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