I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
