I wish I only lived at night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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