I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
