Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
