okay pat passed out under dana's car
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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