they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
