You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
