I need to stop coming to work sober
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
