I think I died a long time ago.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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